Hoodlums & Doughnuts
As I cast a disapproving eye at the hoodlum he too scowled back, and then suddenly his dumbfounded expression mirrored my own. It was my cousin Evan.
This happens too often, some hulking boy is biking down the street, cuts through an intersection, narrowly missing my vehicle. We cuss at one another under our breath, glare, then realize we are related.Overcome with joy, we smile and wave like idiots. The weird part is we are alwayed astonished that we’ve “bumped”into each other, as if the chances of that happening were slim to none.
Evan is 18 and one of my favorites, but don’t tell anybody. I pulled my car around and drove up along side him. Turns out he hadn’t actually gone to bed yet and decided he was in need of the daily comics. Not from the regular paper but the local paper.
Pre-scowling at hoodlums in the car I was daydreaming about bringing doughnuts to work and having them in my office so that all the new grad students would flock to my doorway thus allowing me to memorize their names as we exchange plesantries. Eager to join my expidition Evan jumped in my car. After depositing the quilt supplies at Jacks we sped over to Krispy Kreme.
Exhibit A. Naked doughnuts are sent along a metal conveyer belt and pushed through a molten shower of white royal icing.
Exhibit B. Then the little doughnuts are trundled along to the boxing area I suppose.
Krispy Kreme doughnuts are like a non food. They don’t actually seem to be a real edible thing to me. They consist of calorific hot air, a smidgen of dough and as you just saw, a whole ton of frosting. Frosting is also a non food, its really a fabrication of childrens dreams blended with a whole lot of trouble. Let’s be honest: Frosting hardly ever really gets in a persons mouth. Frosting spends more time on your face, steering wheel, sliding glass door or paper napkin then it does in your body. Small children would bathe in it if they could and if they can't: smear it over household objects including themselves. Frosting is pure sugared bliss but- I don’t do doughnuts.
Exhibit C. Doughnuts in their case.
I love food all lined up and ready for consumption. I like the process of choosing which thing to eat based solely on its outside appearance. I love that its early and these little beauties are like puppies in a pet shop. All excited and ready to go home with me, tails wagging. I especially like those little guys with the Halloween sprinkles!
As I am standing here, inwardly debating which doughnuts the grad students would like best, Evan tells me a secret. He says that sometimes, they give you free hot doughnuts over the counter, and sometimes he walks in, stands in line and gets handed a free hot doughnut, then walks home again. Evan likes a good bargain.
A round sign bobbed over my head on a thin plastic strand and alerted me to their latest flavor- PUMPKIN SPICE!!
I am so inclined to seasonal food items and after my Pumpkin Spice Mocha concoction yesterday I was so totally on board for ordering the Pumpkin Spice ones.
But I don’t do doughnuts.
So who would eat my Pumpkin Spice doughnuts then?? Evan likes the raspberry filled kind. I made up my mind that since I was already very late for work I would be a little more late and bring my grandparents, a couple towns over, doughnuts for breakfast. They’d do the same for me if stuck in this sort of situation. While picking my doughnuts out the man helping me was one of those ‘low talkers' who mumbled, he had an acent too. I answered yes to everything he said plus I added in extra please and thank yous on account of having no clue what he was saying to me. Then he handed me one of the special-secret-free-hot doughnuts that Evan covets.
But I don’t do doughnuts.
I paid, put Evan and the doughnuts in the car, zoomed over to my other grandparent’s house suprising Grandma Mimi with the pumpkin spice ones, plus the free one.
Grandma Mimi thought I was the best thing since sliced bread.
I eventually got to work, no one seemed to mind or notice I was an hour late with my Halloween sprinkled doughnuts. I emailed all the Grad Students to come on down to my office- and only 1 came. So much for learning their names.
Apparently Grad Students don’t do doughnuts either. I leave you with:
Exhbit D. Evan licking his fingers.